Blah. Whatever. Read it if you want to.

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn.

It would appear that at this particular time of your life you are going through a tough time. You are feeling (or have recently felt) miserable and depressed and perhaps you are still feeling that way. Maybe all the trials and tribulations just aren’t worth it. Your present anxieties could have been associated with either your ‘private’ or ‘business’ life - whatever … what you really need at this time is to get away from it all, maybe a vacation - alone, or better still, perhaps with someone that you know really cares for you, someone who appreciates you - not for what you have but for who you are. A short vacation may be all you need to afford you the time to recover and to get back to your normal vital self.

Always anxious to accept the role of the leader, as indeed you often work well with people - but try to stay out of the limelight. You’d like a life of ease with no one to rock the boat and someone who understands you is so important in your life.

The present situation, not of your making, is forcing you to compromise. You will have to hold back and forgo some of your hopes, dreams and aspirations.

You are on tenterhooks and appear to be extremely nervous and upset. You are bored and you feel that life has far more to offer than this present day mundane existence. The way that you feel indicates that you have the need for a responsive and understanding relationship. You are prepared to follow up any opportunity which may present itself. However you are very choosy and you refuse to be swept off your feet unless integrity can proved to be 100% genuine. Therefore you are holding back, keeping your emotions in check because before you let down your guard you have to be sure. You are too trusting and you have no desire to be hurt again. You are responsive to conditions around you - but forever under control.

Being afraid that you may be prevented from achieving your hopes and dreams is making you anxious and nervous. As a dreamer your ideas can at times move into the realm of fantasy and you could be following that so called illusive dream.

No one can stop u from your decisions…and since u have already decided on that special day (u & him)in the future, why not start doing the things that u love and enjoy now while waiting?

Be a more beautiful person, inside and out. But by then, u could have matured into a fine young confident lady and eventually realize that he does not meet ur expectations, because people always change.

But at least he has made u strive to be better. Without him you might not have been able to know and learn more about yourself and to improve on yourself.

And if u ever meet again, and realise that both have matured and are willing to give the r/s another go, u 2 would make a great couple.

You might, while waiting, find another person. As unreal as it may seem to u right now, the fact is that sometimes things just happen when you least expect it.

For now…like what my friends told me when i had my break up..

"Cry until you can cry no more, hurt like you’ve never felt hurt before. Continue to miss him and love him for as long as it takes to heal."

Sometimes, before you know it, you might just suddenly recall him while you’re doing the laundry, or halfway while you’re painting your nails. By then, he would have more or less evolved into an issue of not much importance and you would realise that you’re perfectly fine and maybe even doing pretty darn well (if not just okay) even without him around.

It would take you quite some time of course, which is something that I’m also trying to come to terms with right now.

Or like what I learnt-

"You lost someone who doesn’t love you.

He lost someone who loves him very much."

ni shi qu le yi ge bu ai ni de ren,

dan shi ta shi qu le yi ge hen ai ta de ren.

I think the other party is on the losing end actually, no?

So jia you jia you, because you are not alone and I am here with you.